Hi. It's me.
I'm what ya call an interest-grabber. I'm part of the team behind the new website.
The old site went out for a Spudnut, and, as the Springsteen song goes, "never went back",
so, let's just move on.
Here's a few tips for a new attitude & a fresh start:
1. Change your name.
2. Buy a cowboy belt & put your new name on it so people know who you are as you walk away, muttering or humming or a combo of the two.
3. Move to a new country; new as in it just opened. Adopt a regional dialect or make one up.
4. Write a letter to JC but address it to Jeez, like you're casual friends.
5. Go for a long, slow drive in the wrong direction then turn around like you're returning home but pass your exit, tricking yourself, you rascal, you.
The name's Farnsworth. That's what you can call me now,
but say it like Tom Bosley on Murder She Wrote: "Farnsworth!?"
Go ahead. Say it aloud.
That's it; with an interrobang happy ending.
Let me introduce you to someone:
She's a real excitement-generator!
That's what I'd call her.
Everyone, this is Brandy!
FFS, Farnsworth! Excitement-generator?
Okay, Hi. It's Brandi with an 'i', actually---
And Farnsworth, adding a Spudnut image
to "Hungry Heart"?
Expect a letter from Bruce's lawyers and possible harassment from Reddit donut trolls.
I manage the product and promo portions of the site like a coach for a team of benched capitalist adventure zombies.
There's a page for the Black Sparrow Press publication CUTTINGS FROM THE TANGLE, which drops like a dead leaf this December 8th, just in time for the holidaze.
If you're into that...
I used to be;
The MUSIC page takes you to the Merge Records store.
"dents & shells" was re-issued on white vinyl as of 11/22/19, right before the you-know-what.
So, believe me, there's plenty of those left.
Last thing to mention here before I go to the breakroom
to make an avocado toast and Irish cream coffee on ice,
there's an empty EVENTS page as well, w/ links to:
1. a tumblr. blog,
2. an Instagram gallery
3. and whatever Twitter supposes it is.
Yeah, yeah; heart me, heart me... etc.
There are no public events planned, but there will be a virtual launch.
There'd better be; websites don't pay for themselves.
At least, this one doesn't.
It'll be scheduled soon for a TBD date just after the election is cancelled and all hell doesn't break loose from casually-unmasked brunch table yelpers scrolling, swiping and sighing in contradictions as slavering anti-vaxers virally shoot their dick-gun blanks into their pig-protected heavens, do-si-do-ing in rapturous celebration of collective self-inflicted demise.
Come to think of it now, I'll make that Irish cream a double...
with free refills...
and a silly straw.
We'll let you know of any general announcements ahead of time if you sign up for the email list or you can follow along with the delayed timelines of the usual social media suspects.
It's why Jesus made Twitter.
JTBC, I don't do Twitter.
And Brandy/Brandi, doesn't even get "The River".
She's more of a "Nebraska"-type: dark & tense.
Just ask Farnsworth; they used to go out;
before he went by Farnsworth;
when he was just Kip.
What's that even short for?
Anyhoo, I don't have my own website.
I'm more of a brick & mortar guy.
Weekends are our busiest days.
Funny how destiny finds you:
My wood-shop biz went belly-up after some permit violations.
Turned out to be a miracle.
With the extra time on my hands I started throwing pop-up interventions and they really took off!
Nailed a good logo, lobbied for tax incentives and Behold!
Suddenly I'm a savior!
If I can just interject...
Thanks, JC, but I'd like to upgrade for no commercials, okay?
Bye & bye, lord.
This is Fritz:
I'm Brandi & Kip's proof of a tryst that went on too long between Boxing Day eve and a New Years Day morning sloppy hangover some years back.
I might be a teenager but can't tell because of the make-up.
And, yeah, I'm half-Canadian. So, what?
I consider myself a deal-closer, but I'm somehow in charge of the CONTACT page.
For inquiries about CUTTINGS FROM THE TANGLE or music licensing or whatever your hang-up is, ya gotta go through me,
I sit at a little desk in an attic twiddling my clown-glove thumbs, just waiting.
It's a living.
I also live up there.
Like this Buckner character, I also write verse.
Mines's kinda dark shit, though. I'm working on a chapbook. Goth font. Self-published because fuck 'em. Not for children or political moderates.
You might like it.
If I may:
I'm a proud Spudnut (TBC, maple nut variety). Not sure what a Springsteen is.
Also, the clown freaks me out.